By Thamar Jones
Throughout our lives, we are all in search of that something or someone to complete us and give us the satisfaction we need. We want amazing friends that bring fun and excitement into our lives. We want a job that provides all the money we need to live luxuriously, and that perfect someone to love us. We spend months and years endlessly searching. We have a list of criteria that needs to be ticked off. We think we know what we want. But sometimes when we get it, we end up realizing that it’s not what we thought it would be.
I’ve once heard it said, don’t go looking for the girl or boy of your dreams. Instead, focus on becoming the person of your dreams, and the right man or woman will find you. Hearing this at a young age, I realized that before I can attract the kinds of people, situations, and things that I would want into my life, I needed to work on myself first.
Am I the best possible version of myself? Was I where I wanted to be in life? The answer was no. Then I started asking myself the following questions; if I could magically become the best I could possibly be, what would I be like? What are the steps I need to take to become that person? What kind of person or qualities am I attracted to? What kind of person or qualities would attract the person above? What else do I want to attract in my life?
Asking myself these questions made me realize that instead of going out and searching for that perfect someone that ticks all the boxes, I needed to work on myself first. Because if I remained the person I was, even if I bumped into that perfect someone on the street, the person wouldn’t be attracted to me. I could have these things. But it wouldn’t happen magically.
There are many ways that we know we can improve ourselves and our lives. But most of the time we decide to let time pass by and live comfortably with the old habits. Take the other day for example:
At 8:40 a.m., my ride for work pulled up in front of my apartment. I was ready… almost. I had all my makeup still on my bed (I like to do my makeup on my bed instead of at my vanity). I had on my top, but I had yet to put on my skirt—not to mention my shoes.
I quickly grabbed one of my spanx from my drawer and pulled it up my leg with full force. My spanx was half way on when I realized that I had to pee so with my spanx up to my knees I quickly hobbled to the bathroom. After peeing at high speed, I wiped and squished in my butt so that my spanx could make it all the way up. Undergarment on, I quickly shimmied into my skirt. Great… the zipper wouldn’t go up. And that’s when I heard the rip. My freaking skirt had ripped. Not missing a beat, I took it off, took off my top, grabbed a black cotton dress from my closet, and put it on. I needed a cardigan to pull over it and this pink lace one would have to do.
To quickly tidy up, I grabbed all my makeup off the bed and set them in the drawer. There! Now my bed would be clean and inviting for when I come home later that day.
Shoes! What shoe… what shoe… I asked myself as I scanned my collection of heels. The pinky-nude ones with transparent straps go perfectly! I slipped it on without bothering to buckle her up.
Purse in hand I darted for the door. Wallet, keys cellphone… check… check… and check I whispered as I locked the door behind me! It was 8:46 when I sat down in the car and buckled up. Great, I would be late… again.
This is one of many hectic mornings where I’m in a rush. I end up not having the best day because I did not create a habit of managing my time more wisely.
As a work in progress, I try not to berate myself too much. I just keep working on the best version of myself. The best version of myself is early to rise. She takes time to meditate and have daily morning devotions. She strengthens her mind and body by working out for a few minutes each morning as well. She nourishes her body with a delicious breakfast. She is kind. She is organized. She is focused. She is punctual.
You see, it all starts with us; not fate, not destiny, not luck… but us, ourselves.If we want to meet people who are fit and take good care of their health yet we eat junk food and rarely exercise; if we want to meet inspiring people who are successful and doing interesting things with their lives yet we keep hanging out with the same old people and going to the same places; if we want to meet people who are nice, genuine, and down-to-earth yet we keep judging people by their looks and their possessions; if we want to meet people who are on track with their lives, yet we seem to waste every weekend, have no savings, and live without intention and purpose–it is not going to happen.
Spend some time discovering yourself. Find your strengths and weaknesses and work on improving yourself to be the best you can be. Everything else will follow.
As a smart kid (and so are you — you’re a smarty), my mom has always said to me, “Being smart is a gift. However, without discipline, you’re not going to go anywhere.” We all have qualities that can make us successful, but without self-discipline, we are just not going to be able to reach our full potential. Work on yourself to be the person of your dreams first. Everything else you desire will find its own way to you. That’s the law of attraction right there.
By Thamar Jones