Condoleezza Rice tells her powerful personal story in the recently published book, “Extraordinary, Ordinary People: A Memoir of Family”. The only child of a Presbyterian minister and a teacher, Rice grew up surrounded by racism in Birmingham, Alabama, the most segregated city in the Southern USA. Despite growing up in a larger culture that denied her many opportunities she went on to excel in academic life, becoming the first African American appointed as a Stanford University provost and going on to hold the post of Secretary of State in the Bush administration in 2004.
Whether you agree with her politics or not her story has much to teach us about raising successful children. It goes back several generations to her grandfather who was a share cropper. A share cropper was a landless peasant, usually from the family of freed slaves, who grew cotton on another man’s land, (usually the inheritor of a former white slave owner). Since much of the profits from a share cropper’s labour went back to the landowner, share croppers lived in poverty no matter how hard they worked. However, understanding that education was the only escape route this man found a way to get an education. First he had to find a college that would admit a black man, no easy task at the time. He paid his first year’s tuition from the proceeds of his cotton sales and then gained a scholarship by signing on to become a Presbyterian Minister. He passed on his love of education to his son, Condoleezza’s father. Her mother came from a similar background. Both parents focused their attention on their only daughter, ensuring that she not only excelled in school work but also participated in piano lessons, gymnastics, figure skating and much more.
While it is true that Condoleezza was a very bright student with loving middle class parents, her success story illustrates the elements that enabled her to shine. Studying the biographies of other successful people from humble origins one sees that there are universal principles that can be applied. Other parents applying these principals may not produce children who reach the highest heights but they can certainly give their children the opportunity to do well.
The first lesson has to be the emphasis on education and the extraordinary lengths people may have to take to get it. But educating oneself is not the end of the matter. Raising a successful child entails love and discipline. Young people, men and women, should also take responsibility for not having more children than they can raise well. Do not use the excuse of being a single mother to justify bad parenting. You can decide not to continue to have children by “accident” but you must still raise the children that are already here. Good parenting must be firmly based on love, a love that goes beyond self and is displayed in hugs and kisses, encouragement and discipline. Discipline starts young and is not the same as punishment. It includes self discipline and attention to detail so that corrections are made and maintained from a very young age. Good parenting must put a focus on education.
Education does not only mean getting a child to school every day but includes taking an active interest in all aspects of the work. Even parents who have no education themselves can participate. Maybe it means turning off the TV sometimes while your child is doing homework or studying and ensuring that homework is done neatly. It means finding other people who may be able to help and talking to teachers about what you as a parent can do. A single mother with six children will retort that she does not have time to do that for all her children. But all the children can sit down together and sometimes older children can help the younger ones. It is the attitude that is more important than anything else. It may not be easy and you may often fail but that is no excuse for not trying.
Government is providing the educational opportunities but only parents can ensure that these opportunities are not wasted. Ordinary people can live extraordinary lives and provide our children with opportunities that they themselves did not have. Winning the lotto may be a nice dream but it will not help to raise successful children. Better to dream of the possibilities open to your children and work to make them realities. If you can dream it, you can do it.
