How to make sure Love doesn’t hurt
By Thamar Jones
“…love is a magical mystery; let young love be an enjoyable, not painful, experience.”
Today I find myself remembering my first Crush. His name showed up in my Facebook friend requests and immediately I recalled how much time I used to spend doodling his name in my notebooks and how many hours I spent talking to my friends in high school about him every day and how many nights I laid awake trying to decode the “real meaning” behind his texts messages.
Just like I did back in high school, many teens spend so much time obsessing over young love. Especially when it is the first, a romantic relationship fills your mind and body with excitement and adrenaline. What could beat that rush? Well, don’t throw caution to the wind. Careful is the word of the day when it comes to young love.
If you are young and in love, this is not going to sound like good news. Young love rarely lasts. Of course your first thought is, “but it is different for us…”
It is important to not lose sight of exactly what young love really is. Young love, especially first love, is intense. So intense, it can be quite scary. This intensity will make the love seem stronger than it really is.
Your teen years is a time for fun and growth, not heavy responsibility. So don’t waste these stimulating dating years on a heavy love relationship, especially knowing it will most likely end. Accepting the inevitable will lead you to relationship enjoyment and dating fun, instead of heartache and pain.
This is not to say that you should avoid young love altogether, instead, savor it. A short lived phenomenon, young love is the stuff fairy tales and dreams are made of. Encourage the entertainment factor by taking the pressure off you and your object of affection. As a teen, there is no need to be looking for a lifetime partner, just someone exhilarating to spend some time with.
First loves are the stuff memories are made of. Everyone remembers a first love and how it set the stage for all the relationships that follow. How do you want to be remembered? Let this thought guide you in your own relationship decisions.
No Love Yet? If you have yet to feel the tingle of first love don’t stress, millions of teens never experience romantic love until they are much older. Be patient and relax in the knowledge that you can focus instead on other interesting pursuits.
When it comes to love, whether a boyfriend or your phone, the more you put into it, the harder it is when it is lost. Don’t let your passions overwhelm your life, no matter what they are. In the early love stages, it is too easy to let everything else slide. Homework, family obligations, jobs, all seems so much less important when that guy in math class finally asks you out. Hey, it’s okay, get excited! He is cute with a capital C. Just don’t skip out on volleyball practice or miss your brother’s birthday to meet up with him. Then, at least when the excitement has mellowed out, you still have other interests to fall back on.
Let passion motivate you. Learn about yourself to better understand what and who you love and why. Become a complete person that is easier for others to love. By balancing your own self-esteem and confidence, you instantly become more attractive to yourself and others. Don’t shy away from your intense emotions, instead look within and try to better understand who you really are. Let this time of teen transitions be the opportunity to prepare for the hassles and stresses of the adult world.
While it certainly starts to sound like a broken record when you are sixteen, let these years be your training ground for adulthood. Although you might feel all grown up, the reality is, you are not. Hey, that is okay too… you can still have fun and let others take the brunt of the responsibility. Instead of focusing on the heat of young love, let it guide you towards building healthy relationships. This will ultimately ensure your success in love down the road.