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Words of Life With Pastor Barry Fraser Print E-mail
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Written by By Barry Fraser   
Friday, 14 September 2018 00:00

In Hebrews 11:3 the inspired writer declared, “By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.”

Let’s go back to the very first moment that the supposed Big Bang took place. Evolutionists say that at that very first moment, everything was up to chance. The size and charge of electrons, protons, the structure of atoms or whether they would even exist could have been anything.

Now let’s move forward to what we actually know about the various atoms and their structure. Life as we know it is based on the carbon atom. Its structure makes it the only atom with almost unlimited ability to share pairs of electrons with other atoms. This makes possible the rich range of biological molecules needed for life. No other atom can do carbon’s job. The oxygen atom’s structure causes it to bind together in pairs. This type of bonding leaves unpaired electrons that allow oxygen to bind with iron. This feature makes hemoglobin capable of carrying oxygen in the blood. There are several other atoms that could replace iron in hemoglobin, but they would hold the oxygen either too tightly or too loosely. So there are no substitutes for iron. Likewise, the zinc atom is the only atom that can allow proteins to do the crucial job of identifying their own unique DNA sites.

The precise structure of atoms was clearly not the result of chance. Each was carefully designed by the Creator to support the life He would form only days after He made the atoms.

We hope these articles are useful to you in your daily lives. If you have any questions, please write to me at PO Box 707, Belmopan.

 
The Silence is Killing Us Pt. II Print E-mail
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Written by By Jemma Simone Williams   
Friday, 14 September 2018 00:00

I was in a codependent narcissistic/emotionally abusive relationship for 9 years. I was dating a psychopath. In my previous article, I briefly explained what that relationship was like, and it’s one of the worst “Psychological Castrations” you will ever experience in your life as one person puts it. Narcissistic/Emotional abuse is hidden abuse; no one sees the scars on our faces or the torn skin from cuts with sharp knives having or blood dripping from our hands to the ground as we walk through the streets.

Survivors who experience Narcissistic/Emotional Abuse suffer from (P.T.S.D) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and in some cases (C-P.T.S.D) Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. During my relationship, it was a double whammy healing from my sexual abuse experiences while being emotionally abused. When you’re dating a narcissist, you will feel everything is your fault no matter what you do. They are never satisfied, inside them is an empty dark hole that you cannot fill; only they can fill that hole on their own. They can also manipulate an entire therapy session especially if the therapist or counselor doesn’t know who or what they are dealing with. This leaves the victim of the abuse more victimized and at fault while the abuser carries on without care or cause. I encourage counselors and therapists to become aware of Narcissistic Abuse because lack of awareness is leading so many victims more traumatized in one counseling session.

For many years, I met a counselor at a school I attended and we became “friends.” She was more a mentor for the psychopath and I opened up to her about my sexual abuse experience and also the struggles I was facing in the relationship. We were both seeing her; however, he started a triangulation between my “friend” and I. Until things started to get off balance, she was giving him Narcissistic Supply and the more she gave, the closer and closer they got, until soon enough, I was out of the picture. She even took him to watch movies! After the break-up she questioned me on what I did wrong to hurt him. Why did he hate me so much?

Now that I am aware of Narcissistic Abuse, I realize that a Narcissist hates the living guts of anyone who sets boundaries. In the relationship, I made it known to him that I have needs and wants too and he hated that. Only he should have needs and wants. Also, a Narcissist will blame you for everything they do. They will blame you for cheating on you with their co-workers. They will blame you for flirting with others, and they will blame you for letting others touch their body. They take no responsibility for their actions, so when you make them accountable they hate you even more. It’s always the fault of the other person. As Survivors; if you are a Codependent or Empath, you are not responsible for people’s actions and behaviors. You are only responsible and have control over your own behaviors and actions. In a narcissistic abusive relationship, it’s an 80/20 relationship not 50/50. Also survivors may act out in ways that they might not be proud of; reactive abuse is when the narcissist provokes the survivor and the survivors are just reacting to their abuse. I reacted to his abuse but I take full responsibility to have stayed in something that almost killed me. Forgiveness of myself is a long road, but I trust I will get there one day.

A narcissist will also make you look like the one in control in public, so many people thought I was the one in control; that I have him as my puppet, when it was the other way around. He was my puppet master. He had me go as low as he wanted; to have me begging him to stay, begging him to love me, begging him to respect me, crying to him for us to work it out. He had criticized my body image countless times about how overweight I am. He had showed me that he doesn’t have any respect for me. Despite all that, I still wanted to make it work. I didn’t value myself. I wasn’t respecting myself and I didn’t see myself as worthy. He laughed in my face, I never felt so disgusted. He told me “Jemma, you have lost your spark! You have nothing, the other woman has more spark than you, and she is worthier than you.” This other woman is not the “friend” who we’ve known for years but another woman.

I replied, “How can ever develop a spark when all you do is take me up and bring me down like a yo-yo?” This is called idealizing and devaluing. It’s when a narcissist builds you up with praise and tears you down. It can happen for 10, 20, 30 years being in a relationship with them.

He then told me “I only dated you because you were overweight; I don’t love you.” nine years of my life was a lie. How can anyone do that and move on to their next victim? My self esteem and confidence were stripped away. He was my “god;” I gave him that power, now I am ripping it off and owning back my power because it’s mine!  After exposing that I was emotionally abused some people tell me that I am damaging his character. Now here is the issue: when it comes to emotional abuse, no one sees it, so because I am not bleeding in the face of others I should remain silent about what I have endured? As a culture, we have been silencing emotional abuse for so many years and it’s not only a women’s issue; men are also being emotionally abused by women. Women are abusive too and men are also suffering silently. There are many cases of men facing domestic violence, sexual abuse, rape and narcissistic/emotional abuse but what is being done to help them?

When dating a narcissist, whatever information you shared with them will be used against you. For years, I thought my sexual abuse experience was the cause of the malfunction of my relationship. No doubt my sexual abuse experience did impact my relationship but it’s not an excuse or the caused to be treated like muck. I have been on the hunt for support groups for men, because I was having hope that I could fix my relationship. Cognitive dissonance keeps many of us survivors in toxic/abusive relationships. I was looking for a group for partners of sexual abuse survivors so that my partner had the support he needs to cope with my issues in regards to sexual abuse but I couldn’t find anything. There is nothing much out there to support partners.  In a toxic relationship, of course, it’s not advisable to stay and fix it but what about healthy relationships?  And the partners do care and love the person they are with and want to make it work, why is there not a support group for them?

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Big Sacrifices equal Big Rewards Print E-mail
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Written by By Thamar Jones   
Friday, 14 September 2018 00:00

The school year is young but make no mistake, it flies by quickly; that is unless you are a student.  If you are a student, then you are and will most certainly be counting down impatiently from now until Christmas break, hoping for some relief from the mountain of assignments, and the challenging class work. Regardless of how challenging it gets, stay the course; choose to stay in school.

Many students do not.

Some students choose to leave school for a variety of reasons, but the decision to do so has serious long-term consequences. Those without diplomas face limited job opportunities and a lowered earning potential. While the reasons for dropping out of school are varied, there are  solutions that can help young people stay focused on their education.

While each student who has made the decision to leave school has an individual story and reasons, there are several common risk factors.

Academic Failure

Struggling in school on a daily basis is the biggest reason most students choose to drop out of school. For example, according to the Anne E. Casey Foundation by America’s Promise, children who are not reading proficiently by fourth grade are four times more likely to quit high school than their peers.

Early intervention is crucial in keeping engaged, successful, and in school. Tell a parent or teacher if you are struggling with core courses. Early intervention can significantly increase your chances of passing.

Attendance and Preparation

Students must attend school consistently. According to a study done by Attendance Works, students who had dropped out of school had a chronic history of absenteeism. Nearly 88% of students who had dropped out had missed at least 20 days of school in a given year, and an alarming three out of every four drop outs had missed more than 40 days in a year.

It helps if you can remember to be grateful that you have an opportunity to attain higher education while many others do not. Regardless of what show up to class.

Disengagement

Often, students disengage from learning, because they fail to understand wow the course materials  connect  to real life. Students who are not involved with their school also have a high chance of dropping out. Students who engage in extra-curricular activities have a higher chance of staying in school. Seek activities that keep you engaged. In addition, schools, teachers and administrators need to seek to create a community atmosphere to help students feel as if they belong. Parents can help by encouraging students to get involved in activities and develop talents and outside interests besides academics.

Pregnancy

Managing a healthy pregnancy while staying in school is extremely difficult; that is, in cases where the student is even allowed to do so. Most schools in Belize do not allow students to attend during the gestation period. Students who are pregnant need extensive support to be able to return to school. So be wise and abstain from sex or use contraceptives and delay pregnancy until after you complete formal education.

Financial Difficulties

Students often drop out when they are not able to afford school fees, or the cost of class related supplies and materials or even transportation and lunch. Creative options exist for students who must earn money while in school, including part-time work or financial aid. Communication with school administrators on the impact of financial difficulties can provide a range of options that will assist the family and keep the student in school.

The Tough Choice: Staying In School

While dropping out of school may seem like an easy way out of your academic struggles, keep in mind that the effects of dropping out are felt for a lifetime, both financially and emotionally.  Seek assistance from your parents, teachers, administrators and mentors in managing and overcoming your obstacles as soon as they arise. The decision to stay in school can be difficult, but is well worth it.